I am Fighting Your Demons

I am not sure if apologies are necessary, but I will do one just the same.

Writing has been taking up all of my time, which leads me to be a hermit and indulge in the artistic side of creating, which usually means becoming an isolated asshole actually!

So, my apology is to the fact that I haven’t had the space of mind to write to you from here, but please know I am writing.  If you have never undertaken the labour of love which is creating a book then let me tell you it is without a doubt, time consuming, all consuming and leaves you very bleary eyed and lacking any form of being able to articulate a normal conversation outside of the parameters of the pages you are staring at.

Every situation turns into a new setting and before you know it you are staring at strangers trying to capture the movements in words.  On that note, apologies to the poor lady in the ice blue dress with the wind gently caressing your hair as you order your Pina Colada from the bar, the sun gently setting behind your…oh shit there I go again.

It could be worse, I could not have the time to be able to create.  Ugh, just writing that gives me the heeby jeebies.  My creative hand has usually been attached to a paint brush, but with all of our travelling to create my husband’s books, carting around paints and canvas was not an option-thank you airlines all over the world for charging so much in baggage fees.

I started this blog with the understanding that I was venting, letting go of demons, expressing my pain and hoping that thru all of my words someone out there could rely on the fact that they are not alone in their daily struggles.  We all have our own battles to fight and we all have our own unique way of dealing with that.

I would like to thank you, each and every one of you for your support in this past year with I Am this Woman, as it has been the canvas for my novel to unfold upon.  Like layers of paint, I have been slowly building my own Mona Lisa.

The last time I put brush to hand was to do a self-portrait of my husband, he was in the process of completing his second book and based on my first paragraph, ‘Which means becoming an isolated asshole’, I had some time and space to turn his book into a piece of art.  I wasn’t able to complete it and it still rests in Scotland, one day I hope to return to it and put the final pieces of his words on it.  For now though it is a reminder to me that creating, of any form is a healthy expression and one that all should try.

 

And on that note, I Am Off, off to create, off to become that indulgent artistic brat that we all know and love (she says with a wink)….off to describe every nuance of a piece of sand.

I am that artist, I am that writer, I am that asshole, I am a creator, but most of all I am this Woman.

Title-Fighting Your Demons,

Self Portrait-Denny Denholm

Mixed Medium on Acrylic

Artist-LXO

 

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I am writing fearlessly

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I am writing fearlessly

Actually,I am living fearlessly and then writing it down. A year ago I was at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood while the Oscars were being held just a block down the street.
The whole street was cordoned off, and police and limousines were everywhere. It was such an eclectic mix of hobo’s and hairstyles, long gowns and beggars.
It was utterly surreal, at one point a tall gentleman stood beside us and started asking questions about where we were from. He was engaging, wanting to know why we were there, how we got here, what did we do.

We all swapped stories, and when we asked him if he was going to the Oscars (jokingly off hand), he replied,’ my song is up for the Oscar for best song in a film.’

Now this IS Hollywood, and anyone can be anyone. He was however dressed in a tux and looking smart. He was also incredibly humble and was genuinely interested in the couple in front of him of Scottish, Canadian and Australian descent.

At one point he looked up at the hotel movie screen which was showing the presentations live from the red carpet, he suddenly went,’Oh no, that’s me, I’ve got to go’. Graciously we swapped FB accounts (as you do) took a photo of the 3 of us together and then he was off headed towards the Chinese Theatre. His song won. His name is Rhymefest (El Che)
Oscar & Multiple-Grammy Award winning artist & songwriter. Co-Founder of Donda’s House, Inc., Kenneth Cole Courageous Class Model & Subject of In My Father’s House, currently showing on Showtime.
So what has this to do with writing fearlessly. Or the chance meeting with Che. Everything. Because if you have followed my story, you will know that I had to give everything up, to lose everything and to do this I had to live fearlessly first.
It also meant that I had to start showing up to my emotions and write them down. Being fearless showed me the world and the people in it who are making a genuine change, are touching people’s lives because they, as scared as they may be, had to become fearless people in their passion for teaching and showing the world the beauty within it.
If I can give any advice, any at all…live. Live it all. Be present to your moment whether it be amazing or gut-wrenching, be there. For the lessons, those hard ones that knock you around are the ones that make you fearless. They make you aware of what it means to be alive.
It’s been a week since I heard of the passing of my cousin. In that time, I have gotten sick. Here I suppose my opportunity to feel real this loss. To set the record straight we were not close cousins, but we were blood and family. And just because of that alone I feel this loss.
So fearlessly I write this down. Here is the rub, to live fearlessly I have met amazing people all over the world, it has been an absolute honor. But to live fearlessly, I have also lost. In the end, it all comes down to how you want to live and how you can live with all that comes with it…good or bad.

I am inspired by the hobos, the eclectic, the writers and their muse, the musicians, the artists, even the players in between. I am inspired by my husband, my children, my framily(family not of blood),these are my  heroes, We need these people in our lives. We need to see their fight; it makes us all one at that moment. I am inspired where passion is about. And you know when someone is passionate at what they do because they make it look easy, and they are humble in its creation.

I am writing fearlessly, watch this space x