I Am the Why

I Am the Why

A rock group, movie star, screen writer, comedian and famous musician walk onto my mats…but I don’t know this yet. A Mother, a cancer survivor, a bride to be and a divorcee all sit on the same matts.

A father who has lost his first child, a man who is about to make his first business deal, a boxer who is training for his first fight and an unknown artist share the same goals. From pole dancers, editors, lawyers, pilots and house wives, my mats have many stories.

The mats are met with many types of individuals that are there for one purpose and one purpose only, to find their why.

Why? Why train? Why work so hard? Why get up and sweat with a stranger to achieve a goal that is elusive at the time? Why do we do put ourselves thru this pain threshold or for that matter why do I?

Here is Why: Training isn’t just about the physical, no it is much more than that, it is about the mindset.

I do the training and I am the trainer. I have walked in all of these amazing humans footsteps with them. I have found that each of us are connected to our external goals as well as our internal struggles. Men and woman alike.

Everyone is the same when they walk onto my matts and there in lies the beauty of training. You are not your pain, your beauty, your loss, your achievements or your struggle. You are the why in what you are doing in that moment for yourself. All doubts leave, all worries are forgotten and you are there for just you.

The individual stories and hard work of my clients are Oscar-winning moments of their lives. I cherish every moment being apart of their growth and no matter what stage of life or goals they have been thru, I know that they have worked thru some amazing odds to shine as brightly as they can. What makes these individuals different from you?

Between their why and yours, they have found that the why is the love of themselves. They have realized somewhere along the way in one of those lightbulb moments that time is needed for themselves to rediscover new things, new goals, push boundaries and live without fear or judgement.

In that time and space all traps of society are forgotten, worries are replaced with endorphins and sweat is your friend.

To be there for yourself means you are better out there in your field of dreams. Your why becomes you and it shines from within.

My mats have a lifetime of stories from the ages of 5 yrs to 75 and thru all the years there has not been one moment that I haven’t felt blessed to be in the company of such awe-inspiring humans.   You are my why and I thank you all for allowing me to be apart of your journey.

And I leave you with this, that undiscovered artist, holds exhibitions all over the world. That rock group has hit the top ten in the Uk and Australia, that actress has just walked the red carpet and the screenwriter just got his first signing of a movie. The bride to be is now pregnant, the cancer survivor is a mom of 2 and kicking it everyday, the divorcee is in a new relationship, the pole dancer is about to get married, the pilot is now a solo and the Mom of three feels empowered sexy and strong.

I am the WHY.

 

#rubyrose #theveronicas #starfire #cancer #philnichols #barricuda #dennythetrainer #fightingyourdemons #sweatsmileswear #iamthiswoman #boxchick #trainer #marriage #fitness #mindset #thailand #boxcamp #boxculture #rawartwarriors #welcometothejungle

 

 

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The day I hit my best friend

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We had antagonized each other all week.  Each of us trying to pysche the other out with friendly banter, gif fights and emoji captions.  In my corner, 7 years under my belt of boxing training, speed and small stature and in her corner, flexibility, height and yogi aesthetics(not too mention a long reach).

We both joked that if it all got to harry we would jump in to interpretive dance.

I started boxing seven years ago, taking lessons in stand up boxing and kickboxing.  As a trainer I thought it was a great tool to teach clients with, not only from the physical aspect but the mindset that comes with it. Little did I know it was going to be my consistent in my life there after.

I married a professional boxer and coach years later, and I remember going into his gym on one of our first dates (as you do) and being incredibly impressed with the boxers that were training and being trained.  Their grace in the ring, their focus at learning their skills and the consistent drive to give it their best every time they entered the ring. I also noticed the amazing camaraderie after each round, the hugs that were given after each fight knowing that moments before they had felt the bone crushing hit to their ribs from their opponent or a left hook to the jaw caught off guard.

Although I have trained everyday for years and coached alongside my husband, not once would I ever consider going in to the ring myself.  For one, my husband had always sent me in as the offence trainer, I could hit but they could not hit back.  The lesson for them was to try to avoid being hit as well as to be able to control their emotions when in battle.

If you have never been in the ring, controlling emotions is very difficult and if you have never been hit, the intensity of your excitement becomes amped to the enth degree once you hear the sound of the bell.

We have a 3 rule system in our club, referring to the fact that you need to at least make 3 sessions of training each week before you are even allowed to enter in. That also refers to and includes training in the art of boxing, the foundations as well as a few months under your belt (no pun intended) as a rule of thumb, to be able to spar.

My girlfriend and I fit all of the above categories.  For one Jules has been a Raw Art MC Member for over a year now, and although she has been working all around the world as the Yogi Guru that she is, she has managed to find boxing gyms wherever she is to stay on point.  Proudly sending photos of herself in the Uk and may I add impressing those within those gyms with her skills.  But not once, did we consider, that either one of us would be put in the ring to spar against each other.

For my part it was time to go in, there was a moment about 9 months ago where it all came together for me as far as learning to take a hit.  For years I would be horribly offended if I did get the hit of the glove against my face, it could literally bring me to tears.  There is a rule usually, that a trainer can’t train someone he loves, and there has been times when my husband/ coach has watched me have meltdowns as my ego played itself out in a multitude of emotions, from being offended, hurt, angry and embarrassed.  Each time I learned something more about myself after those meltdowns and he as always supportive, would tell me to get back in and try it again.

As Jules and I trained all week, the hype around our tete a tete was felt throughout the MC. Each member goading us on in a supportive manner, but cheeky at the same time.  I would whisper in her ear that her reach was going to get me and she would scoff and say, ‘Are you kidding me, your faster than I am’.  That afternoon we were sending each other text messages with characters cracking their knuckles and mini boxers dancing around in victory.

In my mind we were in the throws of the Holm vs Rousey controversey , the lights of the MGM in our eyes, the crowd cheering us on and bets being waged all over Vegas. As you can see the mind is a powerful tool, in this particular instance delusional ,but powerful none the less.  I started thinking about these warrior chicks, and on what I am sure is a minuscule level of what they are up against, emotions do run high regardless.

The day arrived and Jules walked onto the matts, incredibly pale, eyes slightly dilated mouthing to me as she entered, ‘I feel like I am going to vomit!!

I too had to admit the feeling was mutual. My husband/trainer only that morning had noticed I was slightly off centre, dropping things, repeating myself and completely tuned out to conversations.   As my mouthguard was being fitted and my wraps were going on it all felt a bit surreal. We were actually going to willingly go in and try to punch each other. Our only rule, ‘No Boob shots!!

Our gloves on, we entered the ring, tapped gloves and waited for the bell to toll. And then, IT was on,we were in it, I mean really in it.  We danced around each other, everything we had been trained for was in our minds watching each others moves like a game of chess.

I don’t remember who threw the first punch and it doesn’t matter.  As the bell went off announcing our first round, we embraced each other with a huge hug and realised each of us had forgotten to breathe.  The first rule of boxing was broken, oh and the second rule, I broke the, ‘No boob shot’rule!(sorry babe).

We completed 5 rounds against each other,each round only one minute long but the intensity and the sweat felt like 3minutes after 12 rounds.  Our hands shaking, our eyes glowing our minds alert, we were damn proud of each other and ourselves.

So here’s the thing, the day I hit my best friend was one of the best days of my life.  As far as a bucket list is concerned, get it on yours.  Face your fears,you won’t be disappointed.

I am this woman

 

I am Fighting Your Demons

I am not sure if apologies are necessary, but I will do one just the same.

Writing has been taking up all of my time, which leads me to be a hermit and indulge in the artistic side of creating, which usually means becoming an isolated asshole actually!

So, my apology is to the fact that I haven’t had the space of mind to write to you from here, but please know I am writing.  If you have never undertaken the labour of love which is creating a book then let me tell you it is without a doubt, time consuming, all consuming and leaves you very bleary eyed and lacking any form of being able to articulate a normal conversation outside of the parameters of the pages you are staring at.

Every situation turns into a new setting and before you know it you are staring at strangers trying to capture the movements in words.  On that note, apologies to the poor lady in the ice blue dress with the wind gently caressing your hair as you order your Pina Colada from the bar, the sun gently setting behind your…oh shit there I go again.

It could be worse, I could not have the time to be able to create.  Ugh, just writing that gives me the heeby jeebies.  My creative hand has usually been attached to a paint brush, but with all of our travelling to create my husband’s books, carting around paints and canvas was not an option-thank you airlines all over the world for charging so much in baggage fees.

I started this blog with the understanding that I was venting, letting go of demons, expressing my pain and hoping that thru all of my words someone out there could rely on the fact that they are not alone in their daily struggles.  We all have our own battles to fight and we all have our own unique way of dealing with that.

I would like to thank you, each and every one of you for your support in this past year with I Am this Woman, as it has been the canvas for my novel to unfold upon.  Like layers of paint, I have been slowly building my own Mona Lisa.

The last time I put brush to hand was to do a self-portrait of my husband, he was in the process of completing his second book and based on my first paragraph, ‘Which means becoming an isolated asshole’, I had some time and space to turn his book into a piece of art.  I wasn’t able to complete it and it still rests in Scotland, one day I hope to return to it and put the final pieces of his words on it.  For now though it is a reminder to me that creating, of any form is a healthy expression and one that all should try.

 

And on that note, I Am Off, off to create, off to become that indulgent artistic brat that we all know and love (she says with a wink)….off to describe every nuance of a piece of sand.

I am that artist, I am that writer, I am that asshole, I am a creator, but most of all I am this Woman.

Title-Fighting Your Demons,

Self Portrait-Denny Denholm

Mixed Medium on Acrylic

Artist-LXO

 

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I am writing fearlessly

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I am writing fearlessly

Actually,I am living fearlessly and then writing it down. A year ago I was at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood while the Oscars were being held just a block down the street.
The whole street was cordoned off, and police and limousines were everywhere. It was such an eclectic mix of hobo’s and hairstyles, long gowns and beggars.
It was utterly surreal, at one point a tall gentleman stood beside us and started asking questions about where we were from. He was engaging, wanting to know why we were there, how we got here, what did we do.

We all swapped stories, and when we asked him if he was going to the Oscars (jokingly off hand), he replied,’ my song is up for the Oscar for best song in a film.’

Now this IS Hollywood, and anyone can be anyone. He was however dressed in a tux and looking smart. He was also incredibly humble and was genuinely interested in the couple in front of him of Scottish, Canadian and Australian descent.

At one point he looked up at the hotel movie screen which was showing the presentations live from the red carpet, he suddenly went,’Oh no, that’s me, I’ve got to go’. Graciously we swapped FB accounts (as you do) took a photo of the 3 of us together and then he was off headed towards the Chinese Theatre. His song won. His name is Rhymefest (El Che)
Oscar & Multiple-Grammy Award winning artist & songwriter. Co-Founder of Donda’s House, Inc., Kenneth Cole Courageous Class Model & Subject of In My Father’s House, currently showing on Showtime.
So what has this to do with writing fearlessly. Or the chance meeting with Che. Everything. Because if you have followed my story, you will know that I had to give everything up, to lose everything and to do this I had to live fearlessly first.
It also meant that I had to start showing up to my emotions and write them down. Being fearless showed me the world and the people in it who are making a genuine change, are touching people’s lives because they, as scared as they may be, had to become fearless people in their passion for teaching and showing the world the beauty within it.
If I can give any advice, any at all…live. Live it all. Be present to your moment whether it be amazing or gut-wrenching, be there. For the lessons, those hard ones that knock you around are the ones that make you fearless. They make you aware of what it means to be alive.
It’s been a week since I heard of the passing of my cousin. In that time, I have gotten sick. Here I suppose my opportunity to feel real this loss. To set the record straight we were not close cousins, but we were blood and family. And just because of that alone I feel this loss.
So fearlessly I write this down. Here is the rub, to live fearlessly I have met amazing people all over the world, it has been an absolute honor. But to live fearlessly, I have also lost. In the end, it all comes down to how you want to live and how you can live with all that comes with it…good or bad.

I am inspired by the hobos, the eclectic, the writers and their muse, the musicians, the artists, even the players in between. I am inspired by my husband, my children, my framily(family not of blood),these are my  heroes, We need these people in our lives. We need to see their fight; it makes us all one at that moment. I am inspired where passion is about. And you know when someone is passionate at what they do because they make it look easy, and they are humble in its creation.

I am writing fearlessly, watch this space x