I Am the Why

I Am the Why

A rock group, movie star, screen writer, comedian and famous musician walk onto my mats…but I don’t know this yet. A Mother, a cancer survivor, a bride to be and a divorcee all sit on the same matts.

A father who has lost his first child, a man who is about to make his first business deal, a boxer who is training for his first fight and an unknown artist share the same goals. From pole dancers, editors, lawyers, pilots and house wives, my mats have many stories.

The mats are met with many types of individuals that are there for one purpose and one purpose only, to find their why.

Why? Why train? Why work so hard? Why get up and sweat with a stranger to achieve a goal that is elusive at the time? Why do we do put ourselves thru this pain threshold or for that matter why do I?

Here is Why: Training isn’t just about the physical, no it is much more than that, it is about the mindset.

I do the training and I am the trainer. I have walked in all of these amazing humans footsteps with them. I have found that each of us are connected to our external goals as well as our internal struggles. Men and woman alike.

Everyone is the same when they walk onto my matts and there in lies the beauty of training. You are not your pain, your beauty, your loss, your achievements or your struggle. You are the why in what you are doing in that moment for yourself. All doubts leave, all worries are forgotten and you are there for just you.

The individual stories and hard work of my clients are Oscar-winning moments of their lives. I cherish every moment being apart of their growth and no matter what stage of life or goals they have been thru, I know that they have worked thru some amazing odds to shine as brightly as they can. What makes these individuals different from you?

Between their why and yours, they have found that the why is the love of themselves. They have realized somewhere along the way in one of those lightbulb moments that time is needed for themselves to rediscover new things, new goals, push boundaries and live without fear or judgement.

In that time and space all traps of society are forgotten, worries are replaced with endorphins and sweat is your friend.

To be there for yourself means you are better out there in your field of dreams. Your why becomes you and it shines from within.

My mats have a lifetime of stories from the ages of 5 yrs to 75 and thru all the years there has not been one moment that I haven’t felt blessed to be in the company of such awe-inspiring humans.   You are my why and I thank you all for allowing me to be apart of your journey.

And I leave you with this, that undiscovered artist, holds exhibitions all over the world. That rock group has hit the top ten in the Uk and Australia, that actress has just walked the red carpet and the screenwriter just got his first signing of a movie. The bride to be is now pregnant, the cancer survivor is a mom of 2 and kicking it everyday, the divorcee is in a new relationship, the pole dancer is about to get married, the pilot is now a solo and the Mom of three feels empowered sexy and strong.

I am the WHY.


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I am that StepMom


….excerpt from I am this Woman

I am that StepMom

I met an Angel 8 years ago. He came bursting thru my studio behind his father with energy uncontained, bright eyes and mischief. He was the image of his Father. Beautiful brown eyes, dimples and a smile that could stop you in your tracks. He also had no fear; the boy could jump off anything, turn anything into a springboard and double flip on the spot.
As Angel grew he taught me things, things about myself that I thought I had already conquered and understood.
As our time together was to be filled with trials and tribulations, it was through him that he taught me forgiveness, loyalty and family.

As Angel grew, his life grew and within it came harsh realities based on lies, deceit and much anger. His confusion was where his loyalties should lie.
We received a call one evening while in Thailand from a friend who was very concerned for Angel. He felt he was falling into the wrong hands, those that he had defiantly tried to protect, were now the ones that imposed danger. A few phone calls, a one-way ticket and a short ferry ride, Angel arrived on our island in Thailand.

There was still many questions as to why he had returned to us and so quickly, but as Angel being the loyal creature he is, answers were limited, eyes were not met. And so he began his adventure. School became not a subject of sitting in a class room but one of diving, filming and learning to ride a motorbike. He was starting to relax; he was starting to trust again.
Days turned to weeks and before you knew it, a month had passed. Calls were made and his time with us was increased, you could physically see him start to unwind.One evening I had arranged for the three of us to have a Buddha blessing at our bar and decided to celebrate with fireworks later on at the beach.
As we threw the fireworks into the air, a moments hesitation was to change all of our lives forever. His Father had miscalculated, and from that one second of hesitation his hand was ripped apart. I screamed, then quickly swore more than 100 times with the same phrase,’F$@£’…
As the smoke settled and the ringing in our ears was easing, Angel walked up to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘It will be ok’ he guided me to the bike, and I drove the three of us to the small clinic in hopes that they would be open.
His Father safely squeezed between us; we drove the steady pace back for help. All the while Angel was patting his Dad’s shoulder and whispering to him, ‘it will be ok Dad’. He was 14 at the time, but one would have said he spoke with the authority of a man way older than his time.
That moment changed our relationship forever. It was Angel and me, stepson to stepmom, friend to friend, we were shoulder to shoulder in this crisis. He never flinched once, even as his Father’s pain was so unbearable for him and we watched him deteriorate, Angel was calm, loyal and there till the end.
As his Father’s haze of pain and much-needed painkillers started to take their toll on our relationship, it was Angel who stood by my side. He was there for each Dr’s visit; laundry runs, gym sessions, food runs and a much-needed shoulder to rely on.
That explosion took us from Thailand to Scotland, where he was back to his roots. I watched this little boy become a young man who was learning that honesty was always the best policy even when the truth hurt.
Lies were uncovered, tears were shed, and the little boy grew into a man. He was now head of his school, had not only grown from this experience but had started to trust in his feelings towards me…his StepMom.
We didn’t want him to go back to Oz, but he felt he was ready. Nine months he was with us, the first time he and his Father were a real family and not just the weekend warriors. Everyone grew for the better, loved for the right reasons and trusted in our family values. His return to Oz was hard, but he wanted to prove how much he had changed. He had gone from the protector of dishonesty to the warrior of truth and wanted everyone to know it.
Our history is immense in our short time together, he is my stepson, he is my kid. We are a modern family and with it comes baggage. I am that Stepmom, who undoes that baggage and does the laundry. Cleans it up, packs it tidy and says welcome home, wherever we are, this is your home, and I am proud to have you as my own.

I am that Stepmom who knows what it is like to be a stepkid; I am that Rebel who won’t stand down to traditional ways, and I am that Pirate who welcomes castaways with an open heart on board my ship.

I am this Woman