His father was adamant from the day we heard I was pregnant that I was going to be having a boy and his name was going to be Gracious.

Gracious arrived on the afternoon of August, my Father and stepMom had arrived only a week before from Canada and had come out for his birth specifically. I was handed a healthy, baby boy with the most amazing mop of ginger curl

Here we go
Here we go

y hair. To my surprise and the ward’s delight, they had discovered that he also had 2 front teeth, or milk teeth they called them in Australia. It is considered normal but very rare, the embodiment of Gracious. Normal but very rare.

Normal boy for sure, jumped on everything, turned everything into a sword or gun, climbed, swam, ran and had to be held down to get him to eat. He had no time for eating, grazing was Gracious’s preferred method of eating and one which was always a constant battle.

By the age of 2 he was stll so tiny I took him to the Doctor. I was concerned for his development, his high energy yet lack of eating. I was now 29 and my two children were everything. But having such a placid, calm little girl was playing havoc with my roles of this wild, flaming red haired freckled boy. I entered the Doctors office with two very different versions of me, a little boy who ran up to the Dr and started opening the drawers and climbing on the room bed and the little girl who quietly sat beside me and said nothing. Dr. O I said, please help me! I went on to describe the very different natures of each of my children. He listened patiently and then sat back in his chair. Lisa you know howWisdom is a girl? Yes Dr. of course, I am now leaning on the edge of my seat for his pearls of wisdom, guidance from the experts to show me the errors of my ways. “Well you know how Wisdom is a girl? At this stage I am pretty sure I understood it the first time he said it ( Must be my Canadian accent that he feels he has to repeat himself!) Well, Gracious is a boy.

Gracious is a boy! Thank you for that Captain obvious, umm sorry Dr.Obvious. And from that moment on I knew Gracious was going to be exactly what the nurses had said, he is normal but rare.

Gracious left my home one Sunday afternoon at the age of 14, he had been told he was a man by a faux councillor. She had said to him that if his Dad couldn’t be a man then he had to be the man. So he called his Dad, he did stand up and be accounted and really all he wanted was his Dad’s love. We all did, unfortunatley his Father just didn’t know how to be that man, or that Dad.

By the time Gracious was 17 he was burrying his Father. I wasn’t there, I was only told that it was Gracious who had saved his Father, had given him an extra few days in hospital. He did it, he proved he was that Man. It was only in court that I had a glance of my raven haired, son. He was so tall, at least 2 head taller than mine. I was so proud of him, who he had become and how he had to be there. Not many people have been in the situation of giving CPR to anyone let alone their parent.

He is 20 at the time of this writing, he has asked for no contact at all. I have heard he has suffered some depression and great loss, yet I have never been contacted to help. I am not needed. I heard he is an apprentice plumber and starting to feel good about himself.

I am that Mother who misses him.

One thought on “Gracious

  1. You are a remarkable woman Lxo. One day Gracious and Wisdom will see the love you have for them and find the courage to once again come under your wing. A wing that I have also had to come user to gain strength. I know your story and this is only the beginning. Keep going. My wings are stronger than ever and have you tucked safely within.


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